I Can Picture You With a Penis, Mom…

uh, what?

Today, when we arrived at the pool, I realized I only brought half of my bathing suit–the top half–and couldn’t go in, obviously.

Jake questioned me on why I couldn’t partake in the cool blue pool and I told him what happened.

“Oh.  So, your vagina would be in the pool?”

“Uh, yeah,” I say and I’m tempted to add that I don’t normally remove it before swimming with suit or without, but this is a conservative pool and I don’t think the patrons would take vagina humor lightly.

Jake’s friend chimes in, “What’s a vagina?”

“That’s where girls pee and poop from,” Jake says.

“Well, no, girls poop from the same spot as boys, Jake.”


While I’m lacquering him with SPF 60, he bends over to try to look at my crotch. 

“Yeah. I can see you with a penis,” Jake says before dashing into the pool.

Say what?

This is what educators call a teachable moment.

It’s what parents call embarrassing.

I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised at these little misunderstandings as I have yet to pull out the old chart and graph presentation of human organs. 

I suppose there’s a lot to be confused about.  After all, a close male relative of Jake’s, at the age of 25, was shocked to learn that women use toilet paper after peeing.  He couldn’t figure out why so much of the toilet paper disappeared when I would visit.  I’ll leave the alternative to NOT using toilet paper up to your imagination as he left it up to mine refusing to discuss the issue further.

I’ll break out those charts later tonight.


7 thoughts on “I Can Picture You With a Penis, Mom…

  1. This is a brilliant post! You really got me laughing — and brought back memories.

    For years, our whole family used to go swimming at a particular pool every single Sunday. One day I stayed home for a fairly obvious reason. “Is your mommy ill?” a nice little grandmother asked my youngest at the reception area, and my three-year-old, eyes as big as saucers, gave her a most graphic and gory description of my particular incapacity in a loud, piping voice. My husband reported that at least a dozen people heard.

  2. Mary, that’s so funny. It’s what I love about kids–their transparency and candor–but boy it can kick you in the butt at times. I’m glad you liked the post.
    Jaye, I’m sure you’re not short on these anecdotes, or won’t be for long if you are!
    Susan, I know, I try to be as matter of fact as possible…I’ll let you know how this approach works in about ten years.
    Anti-Wife–you’re so right. I really don’t want to rush time by because it’s already gone fast, though I enjoy the kids more every day.

  3. Love this story!

    My mom got called by the principal of my little brother’s elementary school to come meet her. Turns out my brother had written “sex” on his lunchbox to prove that it wasn’t a bad word to a little girl with whom he’d been having an argument. His apt point was that sex also referred to the male and female sex. The principal made my mom remove the offending lunch box and it was banned from school.

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