Category Archives: Bad Housewife Behavior

Grumpy Husband

I don’t really post grumpy husband rants because he doesn’t bug me that much…he’s a great husband, but today, he went on some crazy “I can’t take all these toys…”bullcrap and pissed me off. Yes there are toys everwhere, but NEWSFLASH we have KIDS…gasp, your kidding. When did they get here? He might as well have said…I’m not a pristine housekeeper like so many of my good and even not so good friends, but part of the mess is his. For example, as he’s stomping around mumbling insane stuff under his breath, he manages to look right past the box of his work crap which has been sitting on the coffee table (really the table is a cute antique trunk, in case you’re wondering) for four days. It’s still there now. He literally didn’t see it.

Same goes for his pain in the ass piles (not hemorroids, but extraneous crap piles) of clothes, dirty and clean, piles of magazines, crap from his pockets, mail, shoes, and dishes he can get to the sink but not into the dishwasher six inches to the right…He can’t see any of this…So I give him the business (not the fun kind) and shuffle him off to his mother’s with the kids for dinner.

He grew up with a perfect home–his mother never slept–so he has this nutty expectation that things magically clean themselves up. I could be better at being a housewife, I know. But I ‘m writing a book, taking care of kids, putting away his damn piles. So yes, the toys spread. I’m tempted to take photos…that’s a great idea. I’ll post some soon. ..they’re home….

Hair or There?

That is the question–the non-essential, non-life threatening I don’t have to steal diapers and formula for my dehydrated babies question…Should I cut my hair?

I must fess up. Since I’ve taken panty inventory and discovered purchasing a three pack in the Giant Eagle is indeed as odd as I feared (thanks fellow housewives), I’ve begun to fix my gaze on all aspects of my “presentation.”

Yeah, I know looks don’t matter. Biggest lie ever told. Granted, judging people as valuable or not, good or bad etc. based on looks is not fair or right. However, I think taking care of yourself can say a lot about a person–how they’re feeling about life.

So I’ll say it, for two years I’ve felt like crap.
And my hair–is evidence of it–glaring at me like a raging mass of snakes. It’s not that bad, but I haven’t had a hair cut in two years!!!
I did cut some layers into my grown out bob a month ago.
That doesn’t really count.

After getting out of the hospital with my first Multiple Sclerosis flare-up, I got my hair cut.
And haven’t since.
For the first year, every day was a struggle punctuated by simple joys of family and writing. But as far as being the old me, my formerly active, thin, cute hair most of the time self…It wasn’t happening.

I’m finally getting back to feeling like myself (after countless false starts) and realize I need a haircut.
My best “do” is the bob, which I think can only return to once I lose the weight I gained…That’s right fellow housewives, I didn’t gain baby weight, I gained MS weight.

And now it must go–together with the hair…

So excuse my occasional weight update posts.
I know they are in some ways superficial,
but for me will mean so much more.

Goodbye Victoria’s Secret, Hello White Cotton Hanes

It’s official.
I’m completely out of anything that might be considered “nice,” underwear.
That’s right, last week while shopping–grocery shopping–with my friend Lisa, I plucked a pack of white no-name underpants off the display and bought them.
I think I saw her cringe as I did, though she didn’t SAY she thought it was an odd grocery store purchase.
But it was only today as I sorted the laundry that I found myself rifling through my drawer, white cotton Hanes here, a generic flowered pair there, old maternity pair buried at the bottom.
No, no, no.
Hadn’t I even been awake the last four years I had been getting dressed?
Oh, yeah. I wasn’t awake.
Barely, maybe, sometimes.
How had I fallen so far in so few years?
Alas, this post could go in Calm Before The Stork, but really, this is simply another weakness in my Housewife persona–Lost in a Sea of Cotton…Will I ever return to the shores of Victoria’s Secret? Will Bill withstand the drought? Stay tuned.

Toilet Paper

Toilet paper is a funny thing–it tends to run out. This is a glimpse into why I am a poor representation of a housewife. You can be assured that I will run out of lightbulbs and toilet paper as sure as I will take my next breath. My dad used to stock our entire basement with paperproducts and daily use items. When we went off to college, he would send us with bags and bags of staple items. So why I didn’t inherit this particular compulsive behavior, I don’t know. In our kitchen we have two overhead lights with three bulbs each. One of the lights went out on Monday. Rather than change those bulbs right away I decided to wait until the other light’s bulbs burned out. It is summer after all–lots of natural light to be had. Five days later both lights are burned out and with two trips to the grocery store behind me, I’ve still forgotten to get new bulbs. I don’t make lists. I need to make lists. Reason number two I’m a bad houswife–no grocery lists. Anyway, my heart skipped a beat this morning when at the early hour of 6:30 AM I was out for a walk/run and one of my neighbors–a very good housewife was on her way to the store for…toilet paper. If she could forget, then I can’t be that bad off, can I?