Suicide Squirrels

Squirrels are so ordinary you might not even notice them.

Assuming you live somewhere there are squirrels.

Where aren’t they?  Desert, Jungle, Antartica?

In Oakmont, Pittsburgh actually, they’re everywhere.  We had one venture down our chimney and visit for a while.  It flew across the room as we tried to coax it out.  Not pretty.

Don’t laugh.  It can be a serious situation that no one really appreciates until a squirrel sets up his beach chair and cracks open a tall cool one in their back pack.

We’re friends with a guy who plays linebacker in the NFL.  He’s afraid of squirrels.  One leaped on his head when he was a pre-teen and he could never see past the incident.

I was witness to him running scared down Ellsworth Avenue, angered squirrel hot on his big heels.  Apparently size and the NFL means nothing to squirrels.

We make fun of him, but really, the squirrels here are bold and cranky.  They will chase you.  Dare you to run them over.  And if you’re like me, you’ll do anything to avoid smooshing one of them.  It makes for a tricky spring season.  Kids on bikes and all.

The squirrels in our yard are timid, Max the dog doesn’t even bother with them.  But the squirrels that live down the street and over the hill a ways are a crazy lot.  As though they’ve segregated themselves accordingly. 

Funny bunch, these squirrels.

10 thoughts on “Suicide Squirrels

  1. So you’re saying that there are peaceful,law-abiding squirrels but also squirrel hooligans?

    Don’t blame the hooligans, I bet they’re squirrel childhoods made it impossible for them not to learn to live on the mean streets of Pittsburgh, stealing acorns to survive. Don’t hate the squirrels, hate the system.

  2. Have you ever seen a squirrel with no hair on its tail? Yeah it’s all fun and games until they start to look like giant chattering rats.

  3. Awesome story. Crazy squirrels!

    Thanks for that link to the publisher, below. I found it very helpful and inspiring. It is officially time to get off the duff and start a new novel. 🙂

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