I can’t say I’m having a mid-life crisis because I’m only thirty-eight and I’m quite sure I’ll live to be one hundred, but certainly I’ve burned more than a third and a quarter pf my days so let’s just say I’m in general life-crisis.
Partly it’s sending Jake to kindergarten and knowing Beth will be there next year.Ã‚Â It’s not that in itself, but it’s what that means for me professionally.
In some ways I have all sorts of avenues to pursue (though who would hire me full-time when I never know when I’ll need time off for the damn MS?). I have plenty of experience in varied capacities in education andÃ‚Â I miss being in schools, doing research, working with teachers, and doing all of that with a group of people I admire and enjoy.
But, what I want to do more than anything is continue the writing I started to focus on once Jake was born. The trouble is, it’s only when I’m writing for text-book companies that I make reasonable money and that is hit or miss in terms of assignments.
The little articles and essays have been nice to see published and having an agent, even though she didn’t sell the novel, lent the process some legitimacy.
This is the first time I haven’t had paid work to do since I was fifteen.Ã‚Â That feels very weird.
I’m looking at this absence of work as an opportunity toÃ‚Â NOT dash out and fill the void with something simply to say it’s filled.
I believe in my bones my writing will work out and for now, that’s the risk I have to take.Ã‚Â It’s not risky as in sinking my savings into a business, but not pursuing the fall-back job in my field, is a risk in itself. For me, anyway.
So, I’m going to take it and finish this book (I’m shopping another at this point) and shop it.Ã‚Â And in all this, I have to find some serenity (I can’t write that word without George Costanza’s father’s voice shooting through my brain–“Serenity Now!”) and do the best I can.
So, there I am.Ã‚Â Where are you in your life today?