Goodbye Victoria Secret, Hello White Cotton Hanes, Part II

Okay folks, I thought I’d revisit one of my first posts from when I started Housewifecafe.  As you can tell from the title of this post, I’ll be updating you on my bargain basement undergarment choices and offer you the best in panty consumer reporting.  And no, I can not furnish photos.  I have a rep to protect.

The bottom line:  Underwear purchased at the grocery store should be viewed as a solely temporary measure. 

For instance, let’s just say you head to a black tie affair and realize that getting out of your limo can’t be executed without introducing your privates to your faithful fans, you might say “Jeeves, be a dear and swing by the Giant Eagle, and grab me some underpants.  They’re in aisle six by the fishing poles.”  And then after you’ve saved face, you might as well chuck them into the garbage because that’s where they’ll find a home within a year.  Now I can’t say I know the life expectancy for undergarments, but I suspect it should be longer than 12 months. 

However, considering the two for three dollar price, perhaps they are holding up to the manufacturer’s expectation.  Either way, after a night with Leo and Vince, feel free to chuck em in the can outside the soiree.  Don’t wait until you’re walking around with limpy wears–like men have been known to do without a thought. 

What IS it with men who wear tighty-whities to the point of torture.  First the sight of tighty whities is difficult for those who might see said wearer in his briefs.  Then the underpants grow tired and sag like elephant skin.  But that’s not nearly far enough for the true tighty-whitey devotee. No, this guy wears the briefs to the point of invisibility.  Why, man?  Why do you go to these lengths? 

Even at my lowest undergarment point I had the brains to purchase a set at the grocery store.

Onto undergarments that have kicked ass.  The Hanes brand is fantastic and only slightly more expensive than the grocery store set.  No, we’re not talking 5’10” sexy minx in a box, but if anyone remembers Ann Archer (in Fatal Attraction) sitting at her dressing table in her tasteful whites, brushing her hair, totally unaware of her rabbit’s pending death, well, you get the picture.  The Hanes are not a bad buy.

Now I know people swear by thong underpants but I don’t see it, I can’t get behind that for a plethora of reasons.  Feel free to sing their praises here if you choose.

And finally, to bring up the rear of the undergarment post.  Is there a nastier, uglier, undergarment than the jock strap?  Is there really no more attractive way to keep things together for a game of hand-ball?  If we can put a man on the moon, you’d think we’d be able to…

9 thoughts on “Goodbye Victoria Secret, Hello White Cotton Hanes, Part II

  1. I just rotated my underwear this week (newer ones become time-of-the-month ones, old time-of-the-month ones hit the garbage), which I usually do every 6 months or so. Is underwear supposed to last longer than that? I can’t even remember the days of Victoria’s Secret, the days when I had the body, energy and money to go “underwear shopping.” For years it’s been Wal-Mart for me, sandwiched between the Rubbermaid bins and the cans of Goo-Gone….it’s true, nothing but the best for me and mine! 😉

    I prefer the bikini style, going with either Hanes or Fruit of the Loom….for me, it seems like a nice place between granny pants and a thong. (Can’t do the thong, just can’t — tried it, just could NOT take it). The choices nowadays for both sexes is dizzying. My DH switched from tighty-whiteys to boxers when we started trying to get pregnant 12 years ago, and has never looked back. (I much prefer the boxers….I agree with you, unless he’s chiseled like a model, tighty-whiteys are NOT a good look.) When his get worn out, I buy him more, whether he asks or not (since I probably see them more than he does due to all the damn laundry)….wait a minute, am I his wife or his mother???

  2. CC, that’s so funny. I too, toss out underpants all the time, but the grocery store pants were the only ones that were tossed because they were looking as though ten years old. Bill has always worn boxers and other than Will Farrell, who totally collapses me in laughter when in his T.W.’s they should be outlawed. What are they for if not comic relief?

  3. Target actually has a great line called Gillian and O’Malley or something like that. All the styles I’ve bought have fit nicely and held up really well. Plus they’re pretty and inexpensive (compared to Vicky Secret).

  4. I’m all for the comfortable briefs. Love that they now have the soft microfibers that you really can’t even feel. If worn in the correct size – not so tight that massive bulges appear – you can’t even see them under your clothes.

    As for thongs, I’ve spent my whole life pulling my pants out of my rear. No way I’m going to spend all day flossing it now.

  5. Jaye, I have some bras from Target and I like them. But I’ll have to try the underpants sometime.
    Anti-Wife, I agree with the whole “there’s no way I’m picking underpants out of my butt after putting it there on purpose,” thing. But others swear by them. The microfiber underpants sound divine…I’ll have to find some of those, though they don’t sound to be on the inexpensive side…Maybe I should start wearing my underpants as outerpants and then I wouldn’t be inclined to be quite as cheap with them.

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