Three New Sets of Boobs

We went to a picnic at Oakmont this weekend and my friend’s husband came up to me, yelled at me for missing his daughter’s birthday party then asked if I’d seen the new boobs yet. 

“New members?” I asked. 

“No, new boob jobs,” he said.

Well of course I’d seen them.  And all three pairs were outstanding.

I have nothing against plastic surgery in principle.  I’d love to have some, but where would I start?  Like redoing your living room, as soon as it’s boasting its new coat of paint, you have to redo every inch of it and then make your way through the house readjusting everything to meet the new standard. 

And I know I’d be the one to get the staph infection because the doctor forgot to wash up after his bologna sandwich.

But, really, these women were perfect, in their own way, before this enhancement effort.  One is bony skinny–a look I love but will never achieve even in a good year–and her small boobs were perfect.  She could wear anything and look as though she didn’t have to contemplate her outfit for more than two seconds.  If I could choose a body it would probably be the skinny flat-chested one.

The second woman is a trainer and has a curvy, strong body, flat stomach, the whole bit–probably the closest body type to mine–in a good year.  And she didn’t have small boobs to begin with, so I’m not sure why she did this…who am I to question?

The third woman is also a skinny minny, but not bony and her face is beautiful, so who cared that her boobs were small?  I guess she did.  But I didn’t even know her boobs were small.  My friend Mimi told me they used to be and I seriously couldn’t remember the size of them pre-boob job.  And I look, believe me, I appreciate a good body.

So, the picnic went on and Bill and I and Mimi and her husband, T. were talking plastic surgery and how Bill and T. don’t think we should ever get any.  How nice, right?

T. said to Bill, “So you don’t think it’s a good idea to tune up a part or two over the years, either?”

“Nah, I’ll trade in the whole thing if I’m gonna go down that road,” Bill said.

Yeah, that’s nice.  Great. 

So, I’m stuck with me–all of it.

PS–read below–the post about Autism…a great event awaits…

9 thoughts on “Three New Sets of Boobs

  1. I’m totally getting work done at some point. Nothing on the face, though. And as far as boobs go, I don’t need implants, but I’d be happy with something that lifted my natural mass to its original height.

  2. Hey Jaye, I love the idea of a boob lift, too–a good compromise. My biggest issue really is my fear that once I got that ball rolling, I’d look like that freaky cat woman inside of two years.

  3. Oh yeah! That Cat woman! She has that puffy lion face. WEIRD. I blogged about a Botox fundraiser for autism – I thought it was a reaaaaly stupid idea for a FUNDRAISER – I don’t care WHAT grown ups shoot into their faces as a rule. But shooting poison into your face for autism just struck me as a bit over the top. Thanks, for the link to my event Kathy! Happy writing.


  4. Hey Kim, a botox event for Autism? I can why it skeeved you a bit, but if it brings the monied crowd, then I guess it’s okay???? No problem with the post, I know how much the research and awareness of Autism means to you and many others. Hope it helps.

  5. Hey, Kath. Personally, I’m hoping they will perfect the big ass-to-small chest transplant procedure over the next few years. But in the meantime, smaller boobs (the real kind) can’t sag quite as low as larger ones. Just call me Little Miss Sunshine (operative word: little).

  6. My Bunco ladies frequently enter the monthly party having had some body part injected with something. Two stand out in my mind:

    1. The woman who had the Botoxed forehead. She said she thought she looked surprised all the time, as though her eyebrows were always raised in astonishment. (They were.)

    2. The woman whose lips were injected with some chemical. They were puffy and lumpy and uneven, yuck! She was very naturally attractive before the injection. In this case, the full lips still couldn’t mask the emptiness inside.

    As for me, I think my first daring beautfication step will involve purchasing foundation.

    Fun post, Kathie!

  7. Judy, I guess that’s the risk with these procedures–you never know when one of them will go bad. But, part of me can def. see why people give it a shot…I suppose I’ll be growing old with you, Judy…hopefully not in spirit.

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