Kathleen Shoop

That's what I look like when I run

Well, take away the testosterone, subtract the muscles, and wipe that determined, yet relaxed expression off his face. And, that general “in-shapeness” he’s sporting? Take that away, too and that’s me.

I try. I do.

Here’s the second Chicken Soup book I have a story in this year! For all of you who want to run or already do, there are a hundred stories, many from “real” runners, that are fantastic. And, if you read them and think, “I could have written that,” then do it! Chicken Soup for the Soul is always looking for new perspectives! Anyway, read on and then go run–at least to the refrigerator or bathroom or mailbox. Do something runnerish today.

And if you know me, please buy one. Give it away, leave it in a coffee shop, give it to the homeless, offer it to your local RIF program, but please, buy one. Because you love me.

No, that’s not a euphemism ala Governor Sanford (SC) who “hiked the Appalachian Trail.” I’m not having an affair, but I am going to self-publish one of my novels. And, really it feels a little the same. Not that I would know. Really, I wouldn’t.

Part of me is a little sad to self-publish, to not have my novel traditionally legitimized, but mostly, I’m sure it’s the right thing to do. I will submit the novel I’m nearly finished revising to my agent very soon, so I don’t feel like I’m chopping off my right arm–the self-published novel is not my only book, and hey, I know it will sell. So, there it is, off into the wild world. Or it will be soon…

So, while my blog in the past has meandered and spiked and fallen like Governor Sandford’s Appalachian trail hike, I’ve decided that I will focus much of my blog on the path to self-publication. Not that I won’t hit on current events-both mine and those of the rich and famous, but mostly, I’ll report on the self-publishing thing. And some other shit along the way.

“Every successful man has a clawing, bitch of a wife.”
–anonymous friend in Brueggers

Hmmm. Discuss.

Okay, I’ll discuss.

Is this true?

Don’t look at me. I’m as sweet as a wife can be.

To help you muse about it, listen to Elvis’ Can’t Help Falling In Love With You and then get back to me.

One more point to consider:
1. there’s a difference between a “bitchy wife,” and “a bitch of a wife.”

It seems the bitch of a wife brings out the bitch like a tool and knows when to use it. A bitchy wife is like a whiny child. Not effective at getting what she wants, but carrying the stigma of bitch around with her anyway–wears bitchy like a coat rather than stowing the bitch away in her coat pocket for just that right moment.

Again, I wouldn’t know.

Today’s my sister’s birthday and also the release date for my story that will appear in…

I chose this as my day to jump back into blogging and I look forward to talking with everyone again! Buy the book, give it to someone you love and don’t forget to thank your dad–he’ll love you for it.

So it’s hot, muggy, the kids are in bed or if you’re childless, your work is finished and you’re ready to relax.

Grab a beer, head out back, settle into the Adirondack, and let some Allman Brothers’ Soul Shine rain all over you. You won’t be disappointed.

Let me know what happens when do you…

The Basketball Chronicles:

Just to update everyone on the basketball saga, I will say, there has been some improvement made. Does Jake’s team (Penn State they’re called) threaten to demolish the post-season hopes of North Carolina or Syracuse? No. Of course the answer’s no.

Fox Chapel’s own Syracuse and North Carolina play like men and though Jake now throws around a bit of defense and can pass the ball to his own teammates, Syracuse and N.C. are safe in the promise they’ll be playing each other in the championship game.

But, it was funny last night. Penn State did not dazzle Syracuse with blinding skill and full-court presses, but they did manage to confuse the ‘Cuse with their inability to play. It was quite funny. I was actually howling at one point watching Sryacuse become frustrated with their lack of performance–they were utterly stymied by Penn State’s clumsiness, awkward shots, and defense that actually resembles linebackers on a quarterback more than smooth, slick, takeaways more commonly seen in B-ball. Who knew being bad could be so powerful?

Not to get too sidetracked, Syracuse still kicked their asses, but hey, baby steps and all that.

The Bob Chronicles:

So you’re wondering what Bob the dog is up to? Well, he escaped his death this week–sentenced by Bill and pardoned by me. Bob is a big puppy, but as it happens with kids all the time, the bigger the kid, the more adults expect from them. Bill forgot for a while that his dog is a PUPPY! His biggest area of trouble is not with the typical puppy things–eating furniture, shoes, people, crapping in the house, peeing on the hardwoods, pulling on the leash and whatnot–no, his claim to bad-behavior fame is that he loves to eat paper. Toilet paper, copy paper, mail (which I’m not totally opposed to as I hate the mail)…the list goes on. We have paper in places that I apparently ignore until we trace the trail back to the counter that Bob is too small to get up to…uh, that was last week. He’s big and is gaining access to paper in new and better ways each day. Maybe he’s actually a reincarnated best-selling author who just needs to get his story out, damn-it! Next up in the Bob Chronicles? Bob and his brother (his real dog brother)  hump each other while my kids and his brother’s owner’s kids watch, offering commentary on just what it is they’re seeing. Stay tuned.

The Burgler Chronicles:

You didn’t know there was a set of burgler chronicles, did ya? Well there is and it’s taking Oakmont by storm. How could we possibly have people here who might want to take things that are not theirs? Oh, the humanity. The townspeople are going ape-shit over the intruders.

Don’t get me wrong. I lock my door when I walk the dog, now. I lock the door when I leave and when I’m in the house (the perps are entering homes with the owners there, burgling right under their noses). And, I’ve put on my best Nancy Drew hat and have taken to the neighborhood, watching, and waiting and spying on anyone who drives past my house and looks a little odd, or not odd enough.

And I’m not the only one. My neighbor prefers to refer to herself as more Cagney and Lacy than Nancy Drew, but the point is, people are sneaking around, watching people as they’re watching people….and on it goes. Yes, Cagney up the street actually spotted a stranger in the hood and forced her husband to follow him while she called the coppers. Turns out hubby was following a plain-clothed cop. LOVE IT!!!!

We’ve got a tail on a greenish-blue pickup truck taking the bends perfectly around the circle, very, very suspicious. And, stranger than anything, I spotted a woman in yoga pants, no walkman/ipod, a black hat ,and black pea-coat. That is not normal exercise attire. I’m sorry it just isn’t. She’s on the list, baby. We’re watchin’ the hood and takin’ names so keep your distance. Hahahahaha.

That is it for now…

Some little thoughts and observations:

How do you know it’s forty-five degrees in Pittsburgh? Every other person you see is wearing shorts while shoveling his/her snow.

How do you know the Steelers are in the Superbowl on a given Super Sunday? Every store in the Pittsburgh metro area is cleared out by 2:30pm and every store has a sign on the door saying they’ll be closed at exactly 5:59pm. They don’t even threaten people to get the hell out of the stores like that on Christmas.

I feel bad that the Steelers have to play the Cardinals today. I can’t think of another team that the Cardinals could play today that I wouldn’t root against–any of the others I’d be happy to see lose to the Big Red Birds.

But, here I am, looking at the Cardinal team roster–Wisenhunt–coaching, Grim–coaching, Breaston (Woodland Hills HS–cheesy to know that, but hey it’s Western PA) and Fitzgerald receiving (I mean seriously, anyone eductated at all in University of Pittsburgh football history knows the tremendous joy Larry Fitz brought the town every weekend–he is an artist) Gerald Hayes (ditto on the Pitt reference–nothing like a good defense), Brian St. Pierre…and I can’t help wanting the Steelers to play some other team.

What great stories for all of those Cardinals and yet I have to wish they lose and during the game, I won’t feel a bit of remorse in their bad fortune. Yeah, okay, that’s not totally true…if those commentators start in on all their goopy heart-wrenching details of every last one of their lives I may feel a twinge of "ahhh, boy that’s nice…" but my empathetic mood won’t last long–I’m ready for it.

My sister lives in AZ and hosts a superbowl party every year…well, let’s just say she’s nice. Nicer than me.

Pittsburghers are weird. Nine people (and their weird families) told me they are watching the game with their immediate families and no one else.  I’m right there with them. Bill and I love to watch the game at home, no party, no excess anything (oh, all right, maybe some extra Pringles)…BUT this year he had to take a flight to CA for work so I’m with the kids and that’s a little too alone to watch the SuperBowl–no offense to the kids, but…so…we’re going to a SB party at one of my son’s classmate’s house. I decided at the last minute I have to spend at least a little bit of time with some nutty people other than myself. Seventy-five people at least the mom says.   A little out of my league, but we’ll go for an hour. I’ll keep you posted.

Go Steelers in ‘at.!

Well in my dreams anyway.

Last night I dreamed I was shot in the neck and to this moment I can still feel the way the black, clotted, warm blood felt just above my left shoulder.  

How gross is that? Very, I know.

I googled the words "dreamed I got shot neck died" and surprisingly, those exact words are reported by others–that exact dream.  I realized people dreamed of dying or being shot all the time, but it was a bit freaky to find the exact wording…oh well, at least the interpretation of the dream is a positve one!!!

Yes, it means I need to get rid of something, that there is a change in life coming or that I need to create a change…well, that fits exactly with what I’m doing right now–figuring out how to make things work in my career–how to fit all the moving parts in. 

Still, I can’t help but cringe when I let the image of the dream return with the sensation that accompany it…very weird.

Do you ever have strange dreams?

DSC02835, originally uploaded by kathieshoop.

Oh man, youth basketball is not for the weak.
Well, it depends what team your kid is on–some teams are nothing but a disconnected web of fundamental weaknesses. But, hey, we’re talking first and second grade, here…everyone is weak at that point, right?

No, some teams run like they’ve been regularly tutored by Michael Jordan.
Either way it’s fun and funny, though some games have that creepy feeling of parental disgruntlement (mine as well as very vocal others) that can only surface in the gyms and in games of kids who are too young to care as much as their parents.

This league (his level) that Jake is in is for first and second graders. It’s run by our school district, let’s call it Riverview, but the district across the river, let’s call them Fox Chapel, sends a slew of kids over the bridge to play. That’s fine in theory. But, that’s also where it’s getting a little hairy. In practice, that is. Fox Chapel is perpetually at the top of the state in just about every academic and extra-curricular area known to man. It’s enormous and competition is the name of the game over there.

There’s a huge chasm between what the Riverview parents want to see happen in these games–duh, teaching–and what the Fox Chapel parents (not all, but a good bunch are vocal about this) want to see happen–a good ass-whoopin’.

In theory, this disconnect in expectations shouldn’t be a big deal. It wouldn’t be if the Fox Chapel kids were actually interspersed throughout the league. But, when the "draft" went on, all the Fox Chapel teams picked each other and let me tell you, some of their teams create a scenario akin to your pick-up team accidently being slated to play Duke.

For adults that’s okay. For older kids, that’s fine–there’s no question learning to lose is as important as learning to win. It’s life, the biggest lessons live in losing and all the rest, but first graders who’ve never played the game before should have the chance to actually learn to play along the way.

Conversation:
Riverview Coach to Fox Chapel Coach, "Hey, we’ve stopped keeping score–how about each team just keeps it and you guys will still have won, but some of the kids are getting a little…"

Fox Chapel Coach "What are we playing for if not to keep score and win?"

Yeah, well, easily said when you’ve hand-picked one of three teams that could play with sixteen year olds.

First, in principle, I agree with Fox Chapel Coach as I know the Riverview Coach does, too. I’m competitive. I like to win and losing makes me work harder. I’ve learned that.

However, Fox Chapel coach is infuriating because his team is full of second graders who actually run plays, can make three-pointers and tackle anyone in their way. In my opinion, a little generosity is in order here.

In fourth grade? Tough luck for Riverview. But, when it’s a team’s fourth game of the season–of their lives–and they’re six and seven, well, I think an opportunity to actually learn the game is called for even if it means slowing the onslaught of jumpers from the more talented team.

The biggest joke in my opinion is that the guy acts as though his team is actually giving something up–like by stopping the game to show a kid on Riverview where he went wrong, thus losing a score–thus, not needing to show a score, that the Fox Chapel kids might confuse that with them not being better. The Fox Chapel parents were ticked off–how dare they not display the score??? were the exact words of the woman sitting beside me?

I wouldn’t be nearly as "pro-not scoring" if the teams were even somewhat equally matched–Remember, it’s not that Riverview is playing Fox Chapel on purpose–these kids are in the same organization–the fact that most of the Fox Chapel kids are horded on three teams instead of dispersed among all the teams means there are two different philosophies at play–two different goals and it ticks me off. And yes, it ticks me off that it ticks me off at all!

It’s awesome those kids are as good as they are, but if you’re playing in the Riverview league, then follow the Riverview philosophy–teach someone some life lessons–other than winning for cripes sake.

Parental Venting–OVER!!!

This cow commercial is like nails on a chalkboard to me.

Man, I don’t know if it’s the voice or just the concept of it or what, but everytime this comes on the tv I cringe and turn away. Sort of like my friend in college who couldn’t stomach hearing the word "nipple."

What skeeves you out?