Fifteen years! That’s a long time to have spent fitting writing into my life. Even when wedging writing in between work responsibilities, shoehorning it into the minutes after sports and before making dinner, jotting notes during MS episodes that left me exhausted, I was never without words. Even if they were the wrong ones. I could get them down and then transform the ideas into stories that have done very well in sales and on the award circuit.
Now, I’ve separated a 760 page book into the three books it should have been all along. Katherine’s story is first in line to finish. The words are ALREADY there. This should be the easiest book I’ve ever revised. And yet when I sit at the computer with the file open my mind tangles to the point I can’t even begin to approach this thing. It should be done right now, off to be copyedited. And yet. It’s not.
In a complete panic I’ve let myself back away from the desk. I’ve been working on other projects that needed to be finished. I’ve been paying more attention to what I am eating. I’ve been reading lots of novels and poetry (please bear with me if you see hobbling attempts at poetry on the screen–I’m desperate!).
And I’ve been listing all the projects I want to work on. Besides finishing The Kitchen Mistress, The Thief’s Heart, and The Garden Promise, I want to revisit Donora (After the Fog) under the River Series umbrella. I want to publish the book that got me my agent in 2005. I may even put that out in episodes, publishing small, short story sections–it’s fun women’s fiction.
Despite my throat closing up every time I calculate how much time I’m “wasting” in not getting The Kitchen Mistress to press right this very minute, I am letting myself let it go for a minute. I don’t know why this is happening, but forcing the book to THE END before it’s time is not smarter than letting some time lapse.
There is a small oasis of writing hope for me… There are some distinct sections of the book that need to be written now that I’ve pulled Katherine’s story out of her mother’s. I’ve been able to work on those sections–letters from Aleksey to Katherine, Violet Pendergrass’ backstory, Katherine and Aleksey getting reacquainted… I’ve been writing those in my notebook by hand. That I’ve been able to do. That is something, at least.
For now, I have to take every little thing I can get. Thanks for hanging in there with me!!!